Learning The Way To Meditate By Means Of Focused Attention
If you're just starting off to learn meditation, either in a guided meditation group or on your own, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit daily at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you best. You give the daily five to ten minutes to extend to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks follow, but you certainly don't try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about clenching the teeth in tenacity. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and although it needs its own kind of control this has nothing to do with force than with compliant and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings come up, you permit them to pass into and out of attention like clouds pass in water. You don't try to push them out, but leave them to pass on their own accord. Regardless of how 'important' the thinking seem to be or how compelling or disturbing the feelings, you don't cling to them or let one thought or emotion to start another and another till you are off on a daydreaming track that takes you far away from the simple matter of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, however, you do lose control, gently but definitely go back to your breathing the moment you realize this has occurred. Avoid being irritated with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your drifting mind is simply pointing out to you just how much you have to train your meditation techniques. It is assisting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, appreciation towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot stress enough how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you make upset yourself each time you become aware you are disoriented in thought, you will not only be awakening the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be taming your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and certainly it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the disappointment that this brings, your mind will then start whispering conveniently to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well suggested to find something greater to do with your time.
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